If you Xanxus
by SYNcerely
Summary: Ok so some of you guys may know the book "If you give a mouse a cookie." i repeat, some of you.  Well i absolutely loved that book as a child so i got an idea.  What if...i take the being part "If you.." and stuck some more words behind it?


**If you try to help Xanxus...**

"XannnnXannnn! im here to help! So you have to tell me~"

you whined clingy to his arm as tight as you could so you wouldnt fall when he tried to shake you off his arm like the many times he tried that same morning.

"Why wont you tell me?~" Xanxus let out an aggravated growl as he tired helplessly to shake you off his arm.

"I swear if you dont release my arm from your grip immediately and leave me alone trash, i am going to personally make you my target practice dummy!"

**You'll end up annoying him...**

You poked your head from behind Xanxus' chair of ultimate doom that he always sat on.

"Tell me~"

You reeled your head back behind the back of the chair and appear on another side.

"Telll me~"

Poor Xanxus sat in his chair with his eyebrows scrunched together and his eyes narrowed. He was starting to regret letting you join the Varia. The only reason he had let you join was because you had amazing assassination skills and you could steal and control almost anything. Last week you had used your "awesome ninja powehs!", as you had called them, to steal a tiger from the zoo so you could try and stuff it in a small box and claim it as your box animal/weapon. Other than that, he would have gotten rid of you a LONG time ago. Your stupidity always seemed to take over your common sense. He guessed it was from the hours on hours of you watching that gay show "Square bob Sponge pants"...or whatever the hell it was.

**And drive him over the edge of that annoyance...**

"64 pokes of doom!"

You yelled copying Neji's (naruto) move but instead of hitting Xanxus with your palms, which is a bad idea, you decide to poke him with your fingers until he gave up, which was VERY unlikely and a terrible idea.

"Tell me why you wont laugh at anything!"

You knew that most people in the varia could care less if their boss, the fearsome Xanxus, laughed or smiled. Except you. Whowas starting to worry about his happy meter...if he had one...but you were determined to get ANY happy noiseout of him! Rather hewanted to or felt something snap inside him. He finally had it with your childish ways and the fact that you pestered him ever two seconds! He knew now that no amount of thearpy will ever cool him down, especially from you! You were the worst pain in the ass he's ever met and laughing wasnt going to help at all.

"TEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEE!"

You were wondering if thearpy for him was a good idea because he didn't seem less stressful at all. Over the years youve meet some mean bosses but this guy just knocked those other people out of the match for "worlds meanest boss" I mean seriously, it was like there was a 2X4 stuck up his a-

"SHUT UP THE _**FUCK**_ UP YOU _**FUCKING** _TRASH!"

*CRASH*

**Then you'll get hurt...**

You fell on the floor with a loud 'thud'. A section of your forehead was now covered in fresh blood and a big gash. There was a moment of silence as you played back what just happened. You looked around you to see shattered glass from when Xanxus threw his glass cup at you. Truth be told, you have never been hit in your life. You've always used clones to take your place on the missions that cause you to get hurt. Needless to say, you were beyond shocked. Tears welled up at the corner of your eyes as you sniffled. Then they fell down your cheek in a mass amount as Xanxus just stared at what he had done.

**But hell just laugh at your pain.**

A small grin stretched across Xanxus' face as he realized something.

'That actually felt good...'

He couldn't control the chuckle that slipped from his lips. Then, out of nowhere, the fearsome boss threw his head back and let out a booming laugh. He never noticed how amusing it was to hurt people, so he made a note to do it much more often. Over on the floor, you grinned, happy that your plan for thearpy actually worked. Even at the price of you getting shards of glass stuck in your forehead."aww Xannie's laugh is so kawaii (cute)!" You giggled as you glomped him. Immediately his laughing stopped, and he glared as you as you continued to the cuddling.

"I swear if you get blood on me i will destroy you trash!"

_ Neither of you noticed that you would be the cause of Squalos pain from now on._


End file.
